Watch me as I combust
into a thousand, million confetti pieces before your eyes.
Give me the benefit of your attention for that instant and
relish the instantaneous beauty in that explosion.
Catch a fragment of me as I fall,
make me worthwhile,
worthy of you,
for once and forever. 

---

Well, what can I say?
Posting on this virtual junkyard where no one ever visits should be at the back of my mind given the current state of affairs, but then again, nothing is more therapeutic than writing to an absence audience.
Sometimes, having the comfort of expressing myself without having constant rebuttals is perhaps what I need the most.

I've always had this fear of getting close to someone.
See, I'm getting teary-eyed again. Why do I voluntarily pent up emotions?
Anyway, I never feel secure about baring all of me to anyone. Maybe thats the reason why I never make meaningful relationships with people, in general.

I have to admit that, I am at fault for the glorious state that I am entwined in now.
Forcing myself to keep up with a course that I'm not that interested in, pushing people away because I don't want to become that friend they'll remember as "oh, that burdensome one."
It's painful, but everyone who used to care are either too busy with their own lives or too tired to pay attention.

I tell myself, "You got to be more mature now, you are better than this."
But really? Or am I just deceiving myself?

Wow, looks like I've spent more than enough time feeling sad about myself. Now, how much lower can I go?

Till the next time I have time on my hands to write again.