After so many years of trying to thrive in the academics department,
I feel like I'm finally losing steam.
And with that dwindling enthusiasm in peaking each previous performance,
my hopes and aspirations seem to have eluded me too.
I'd thought it'll be more productive if I settle down for 10 minutes now and think about my goals, and my dreams.
And perhaps my sanity might just come back.
All these years of fighting to be amongst the best, I haven't found a reason why I'm trying so hard.
Are my results really worth my sanity? Are they going to compensate for my childhood?
Am I going to be rewarded for the hard work I put in?
Only when I try to get to the heart of the matter, then I'm suddenly thrown with questions I should have questioned myself before.
All along when I'd been attributing my worries for my academics to the expectations that other have for me,
I've missed out what matters most:
What do I expect from myself?
I'm the captain that is going to steer my future towards my desired destination.
My vessel can't steer far and forward based on other people's commands.
Only I can see the obstacles that lie ahead, and manoeuvre my way past them.
Haha, this is suddenly such an emotional and enlightening moment.
Back to studying!