But the more I try, the pain hurts to the very core of my heart.

The chill sets me shivering, and yet I can't do anything but keep trying to forget

Because I know, if I ever can forget, I can never try to revisit the past memories.

The very thought of you can set me on the brink of tears.

I have no idea how I'm going to talk to you anymore.

I'll probably go speechless on Monday, and maybe forever after.

I have no confidence now, I doubt ever.

It's too late to rekindle this, too late.

Until yesterday when I finally broke down for good, I never thought it would come to this.

I called Madeline, and I only heard the first few lines she said, because thereafter, I couldn't think straight anymore.

The thought of you, the whole situation, sent me into a wild frenzy and my head started spinning.

I started screaming everything that coursed my head yesterday, everything after 1130 and everything before.

Then the tears started to roll down, and I felt defenseless, I felt lonely, I felt ashamed.

Why was I crying, when they 2 had more depressing things to settle.

Why now, not before, not after, why that day.

I continued screaming until my voice when hoarse, and the thoughts just start rushing in, filling in the space in my head, attempting to escape.

I can't hold it in, not for long.

"Calm down, calm down. Chill, things are going to be fine."

No, I can't calm down, up till this moment I still can't let it go.

I wonder why.

Yesterday, I was convinced things may actually be okay.

I thought it may solve it all

But then, I realise this may yet be another bag full of lies.

The more I think of it, the more depressed I am

Even till now, I still have no faith.

Daphne tried to make it better, but she's hanging by a thread too.

I don't understand, why can't you come clean with me.

Why would you keep it all inside, even when it concerned me.

I had asked myself, time and again, why was I trying so hard.

Because I cared, for every single emotion you had.

I believed that this would turn out well.

But up to date, I've tried, and nothing seems to be in the way intended.

In fact, its going downhill.

Im asking myself, if I should even try on Monday,

should I call it off for good, let go for good and hope that I can relief myself from the pain.

I pray for faith I do not deserve, I pray for this friendship to not sink.

I pray and yes I pray, for a heart that learns to trust.