I'm tired of people coming and going whenever they like.

But they can never enter with a locked door to secure what's remaining of my faint heart.

Call me antisocial, actually I am.

They never cared until I really broke down.

They think I'm strong, I can be left alone.

I never tried to contradict their impression of me.

I held on, I pushed on.

I shut myself out when they do things I don't like.

I kept my mouth shut.

I made sure I was close to their idea of perfection.

As I try to be perfect, I move further from my true self.

I lose my soul behind me, in search of something better.

But what I find was someone that wasn't me.

I beg for forgiveness, I beg for mercy.

I beg for everything I know I don't deserve.

I feel that I'm losing myself.

Last time, I was truly a daring soul, now I am reduced to putting a brave front.

I've come to a point where the only way to comfort myself is to huddle in a corner, draw my legs close to me, breath into my clasped hands and tell myself repeatedly, " It's okay, it's okay"

But by doing that, my hope of reassuring myself became a reassurance for something else, and that was the fact that I am not strong enough, and with every phrase I repeat, I find my spirit weak, my morale beaten.

People say they understand, they know how I feel and things will be better.

The truth, they don't.